November 06, 2008

Race, curtain fabric and the Campbell's Kids

Since Tuesday night, many people have been asking me what Henry thinks of it all; i.e. a black man winning the presidency. The answer is "not much."

We watched the returns together -- I figured it was more important than his grammar homework that night. They declared Obama the winner and started panning the faces of the huge crowd gathered at the park in Chicago. Just like Kathi D and so many others, I just burst into sobs and couldn't stop. Henry mistook my tears for sadness and sat patting my back, saying "It's OK, mom." I told him that I was crying with joy, and tried to explain the significance of the event. While I talked, Henry's eyes welled up and tears started rolling down his face. I asked him why he was crying, and he answered through his sobs, "I don't know!" When mom cries, kids cry.

The fact that Obama's win holds little meaning for Henry is understandable and certainly positive in many ways. He's only nine, and has no reason to believe it's out of the ordinary. In our little city, we have less than 1% black residents, many of which are, like Henry, adopted kids of white parents. He's had no significant exposure to black cultural or racial issues. But is that good? Or should I make him aware of the racial context he's certain to face?

I think it's naive to say his color doesn't matter and won't affect him throughout his life, and wonder how to best prepare him. Many experts say to wait until he asks about it, but so far he's never brought it up; it's always been me. From when he was a baby, I made a point of having black and African music, art and books in our home. I colored in the all-white faces in his books with a brown pencil, and scrutinized birthday cards, posters, curtain fabric, cartoons and decorations for multi-culti scenes. I wonder if I'm over-emphasizing the issue, and certainly it seems he couldn't care less. But you never know what messages are sent and received.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear.

Campbellssoupkids

Where's my brown pencil?


November 01, 2008

A Poly Sci perspective

I normally stay away from politics in this blog to avoid flaming spammers, and anyway, it's probably pretty obvious where my political philosophy lies, but I did want to share this editorial from the Harvard Crimson. (Note the author's name, hint, hint.)

Looking Backward and Forward from Election Day, 2008
PUBLISHED ON 10/31/2008 3:09:03 AM

Most American voters appear to support Barack Obama for the presidency. The fact that the presumed winner is a young man with little national governing experience, a middle name shared with a notorious villain, and a last name only one letter away from that of the United States’ public enemy number one is extraordinary. Add to that, of course, that his mother is white and his father African, so our presumed next president will be nonwhite, or even “black.”

Unsurprising as these observations are, it still seems worthwhile to underscore just how astonishing this outcome will be if it occurs. Here are a few facts that might help those under age 25 understand better why those of us over age 50 are walking around with dropped jaws.

In my lifetime, blacks in some southern communities were in grave physical danger if they did not step off the sidewalk when a white person approached them. During my childhood, Virginia’s governor and many educators closed entire public school systems for years so that schools could not be desegregated. When I was in my teens, black and white activists were murdered for trying to ensure the franchise for black citizens. As recently as my young adulthood, three-fourths of whites agreed in a national survey that “blacks shouldn’t push themselves where they’re not wanted.”

The idea that a black man would within a few decades be elected president with strong white support would have seemed ludicrous to the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. just as much as to Malcolm X or George Wallace.

Almost as astonishing to people of a certain age is the fact that Obama’s main rival in the Democratic primaries was a woman. Here too it is worth recalling a few facts to remind those under 25 how much the world has changed since their faculty were young.

In my teens, a best-selling book, “The Feminine Mystique,” amazed and shocked readers by asserting that women were not fully satisfied by submerging their identities completely in the wishes and actions of their husbands and children. When I entered college, women’s dormitories had housemothers, midnight curfews, open-door requirements for dorm rooms, and sign-in sheets for male guests. When I entered graduate school, the female students held their annual meeting to inform newcomers which male faculty could be trusted always, sometimes, or never (we took careful notes). Just a few years later, a prominent professor wondered in a faculty meeting if female graduate students were like the wolf children of Avignon, and never would overcome their unsatisfactory childhood socialization. Over a third of both men and women agreed in the General Social Survey as late as 1974 that “women should take care of running their homes and leave running the country up to men”

No wonder that we cannot stop reading political blogs, obsessing about the newest poll, and struggling to find something in the political science literature to explain this election.

Questions remain, of course, about the long-term impact of Obama’s presumed election. Here are a few that will keep me busy in research and teaching:

How much of Obama’s ability to obtain whites’ support was due to his unusual racial heritage—the grandparents from Kansas, the father in the United States on a student visa, the visible and unembarrassed biraciality? Is it now possible that white voters will be equally enthusiastic about an African American candidate descended from slaves?

Will Obama be constrained to maintain a race-neutral political and policy persona in order to keep other minorities’ and whites’ support? After being elected, if he is, can he discuss illegal immigration, the achievement gap, black male incarceration, or affirmative action without alienating too many voters? More generally, can he talk openly about racism, nativism, and structural impediments to nonwhites’ success, along with talking about parental responsibility and personal excellence?

Might an Obama presidency “push the prospect of a Latino Democrat getting elected further into the future than it would have been otherwise,” as one scholar has observed in an e-mail listserv? More generally, how will political coalitions or, conversely, electoral competition among people of color be affected by an Obama presidency?

How will daily interactions between whites and nonwhites change? Will there be less discriminatory treatment in jobs, health care, education, or the criminal justice system? Conversely, will people of color see racial consciousness as more optional and less necessary, so that their identity as an economic conservative or stamp collector can come to the fore?

Might the worst-off blacks (say, young men in inner cities) be just as badly off, or even worse off in relative terms, under a Democratic administration that “spreads the wealth around?” That is, even if the top four economic quintiles, say, are made better off over the next few years, can those gains reach down into the few American communities that are deeply poor, dangerous, ill-educated, jobless, and isolated?

Even Barack Obama will not solve all of America’s problems of race, class, and gender in the United States over the next few years. Nevertheless, we can pause to savor how far our nation has come in recent decades, before tackling the huge and fascinating questions that lie before us as students, scholars, and citizens.

Jennifer Hochschild is the Henry LaBarre Jayne Professor of Government , Professor of African and African American Studies, and Harvard College Professor.

October 11, 2008

From my big sis

A very welcome guest post:

"To Melissa's loyal readers, thank you for your warm thoughts and hooray for the wonders of modern medicine. Three of my neck vertebrae are now bonded by "bone morphogenic protein" instead of real discs. To come through risky surgery and arrive home to see the last roses in my garden (ha, ha, no snow here) is one of life's gifts."

Susan

Roses_3

October 08, 2008

Sisters (not the town)

Susan & J in wheelbarrow June 1953

My sister Susan (the older one on the right) is undergoing long, complicated spinal surgery today in New Haven. Keep her in your thoughts - I appreciate it.

September 27, 2008

Squash(ed) cat

To demonstrate my earlier statement about my sister shopping in unusual stores, I present her latest gift to me: the Squash(ed) Cat.

Squash(ed) cat

Yes, that is an orange acorn squash with cast iron cat appendages stuck in it.  (I supplied the squash.)

Cool, huh?

It looks great next to Judi's felt bowl.

Judi's bowl It must be fall.

September 25, 2008

Stone Soup - the real lesson

Stone_soup_3

The other night, Henry thought some chicken soup would help his sore throat, but I didn't have any canned. I realized that I actually had half of the chicken I cooked Sunday (a chicken on every grill!). I also had noodles, of course, so I started to scrounge around for what else I could add in order to produce homemade soup at 7 pm on a school night.

I reminded Henry of the Stone Soup fable we read the night before, and remarked that this was our stone soup as I found shallots, carrots and celery and made some broth. He got totally into the spirit of the moment and dumped in some left-over broccoli from the fridge. We went out and cut some parsley from the parsley farm and some thyme and sage from the front herb boxes and kept improvising.

Henry started weaving his own version of the Stone Soup story while we were cooking, spinning it into a half-hour tale complete with characters, plot, setting, dialogue, drama and mood. I was entranced by his story and how he conjured up such a colorful tale on the fly.

The soup turned out to be delicious, and it was a classic learning moment for me. I'd been worried over Henry's lack of focus in class and inability to finish his work when the others did. While stressing about what he couldn't do compared to his classmates, I neglected to notice the unique things he can do, those amazing creative skills that set him apart. As I mentioned here before, I hope his teacher and I can find a way to keep his spirit up and frustration level down while he struggles with the structured classroom learning environment of public school. I feel I fail him regularly by focusing on the negative, but isn't guilt one of the defining emotions of parenting?

September 06, 2008

Fellow Travelers

My older sister and I are close, relative to the rest of our family. That means we make an effort to see each other once a year in addition to the July 4 family get-together. We've traveled together quite a few times without killing each other, so I consider that a success. But we do have very different travel styles that I've learned over the years.

I'm kind of a hang-out, mosey-around, soak up the atmosphere, take a nap, have a drink kind of traveler. She's all about getting out and about, seeing key attractions (most often architectural landmarks), taking photos, packing it all in. I like a big leisurely breakfast, then snacking on stuff during the day and often appetizers and drinks at cool spots at night. She basically doesn't eat all day, then likes a late big dinner at a nice place. I like to stay in fancy hotels, she'd rather save the money and use it for dining. No right or wrong here, just very different.

Traveling with another person can be tough -- there is always a point when you get on each other's nerves. Or maybe it's just me. But Susan and I do pretty well given our differences in style. We both like to shop in unusual stores, something my last boyfriend really chafed at. We always have a good, easy conversation. And she gets me to see/do things I'd otherwise miss, I know.

For example, she's been very focused on finding this Japanese 100 yen store. IMG_0322 Packed with bizarre, clever little things, many of which we couldn't identify. Everything was $1.50, with a few exceptions. There are a lot of things I'll buy if they only cost $1.50. Even things I don't quite recognize.

We hit a vintage pottery store, something NO boyfriend would have been able to tolerate. Then a mystery bookstore - we were on a roll. I did my part in contributing to the retail economy in Seattle, as these are certainly things we don't have in Bend. I miss the quirkiness of city life and casually finding amazing discoveries around every corner. Oh well, my mantra: you can't have everything.

Off to the game...

September 05, 2008

Lap of luxury in Seattle

IMG_0260

Somehow we ended up in a luxury hotel right on 1st Avenue, in a room larger than my house in LA (700 sq. ft.). I had to confirm the price because we envisioned a final bill in the thousands. Yup, well under $200/night. Go Orbitz! Anyway, I'm content to simply go from the room to the baseball game to the sushi restaurant down the block all weekend, but my sister-the-architect has other ideas.

I'm not a fan of blogs that catalog people's trips with travel writing and photos, so you'll be spared. A few key highlights to come (A Rod's butt!).

August 17, 2008

The conservation of bustedness

800px-Smoke_detector

My big bro Steve has always espoused the theory of the "conservation of bustedness." In essence, it means that if you successfully fix something, something else must break. I always thought it was one of his semi-serious paranoid delusions, but allow me to pour myself a BIG glass of wine and tell you about my day.

I won't talk about Mary-who-stays-with-me-weekends's 55-pound puppy who frolicked in my carefully landscaped pond, tried to pick up the kitten with her "soft" mouth, ripped up Flash's special frisbee and chased both my cats, all before noon. No, this is about the smoke alarms.

I have seven interconnected smoke alarms in my four-bedroom home. That means when one goes off, the others all chime in helpfully. Today one of them went off (false alarm) but of course we couldn't tell which. So Mary and I ran around with our fingers in our ears changing the old batteries, and thought that was the end of it. Of course, fixing them meant something else had to go bust (according to the theory), so when cleaning up the mud the ladder left behind, I realized my fancy-schmancy vacuum cleaner could barely suck through a straw. Then a smoke alarm went off again (with all new batteries!) so we went running around trying to pinpoint the offender again.

Meanwhile, Flash (just a tad neurotic) panicked over the alarms, bolted out of the house and down the street, the labrador puppy gleefully following. We had to drive around the neighborhood for some time til we located them, brought them home and tried to figure out the smoke alarms again. Of course we couldn't pull the car all the way into the garage because Henry's bike was in the way (did I mention I ran over his bike Friday and had to get it fixed for $99?). Henry came back from looking for Flash and pushed the garage door closer which began to bang rhythmically on the roof of my car, having run off its rails and gone berserk, finally crumpling in defeat.

So now I need new smoke alarms, a new garage door and a vacuum repaired. How was your Sunday?

August 11, 2008

Mowing

lawn mower

Dad and Henry, North Carolina 2003

I felt a little like my dad yesterday afternoon. Got all sweaty mowing the lawn, came inside, opened a beer and watched the ballgame.  Except I started knitting.

The Knit-Up has started a knit-along on fingerless mitts. These are very hot right now in the knitting world. I can't tell whether it's because they're so easy and gratifying to knit or whether people actually want to wear them, but they're fun. (Like socks, without the heel stuff.) They also make perfect little gifts, say, for 20-something nieces. (They don't read my blog so this won't spoil the surprise.)

I'm starting out easy on Noro mitts, then moving on to Fetching. a free pattern on Knitty.com. If you haven't been to Knitty (and you're a knitter), you're missing out. It's a young, hip, on-line knitting magazine with tons of free patterns and great writing. Check it out. Even if you don't knit.

July 05, 2008

Firefly

NC firefly
Bug courtesy of my big bro Steve. Photo mine.

One thing I like about the East: fireflies.

We always called them lightning bugs. Nothing brings back the summers of my childhood like a lawn at late dusk, sprinkled with lightning bugs twinkling in their lovesick short buggy lives.

There don't seem to be fireflies in the West. I think it's a humidity thing. Maybe the only good thing about this East Coast humidity, other than my cuticles looking more presentable.

What are your childhood summer memories?


July 01, 2008

On top of Old Smoky

Comin' to y'all from the Great Smokies - Appalachian country, mountaineer territory and all,

IMG_0069

I'm not a fan of the South. It's hot, muggy, and there are a lot of bugs; many of which fly, and most of which bite. Oh, well, what we do for family.

Though the real South doesn't think of western North Carolina as the south - more like hillbilly country, as well as a lovely place to send the kids to camp. To a Floridian, it's cool and mild here in the summer, god help them.

Some highlights so far:
The Curb Market. This is a low building with vendors' stalls (kind of like a mountain version of Pike's Place Market) that I like to visit. The primary merchandise consists of jams, preserves, honey, etc.; birds' nests (couldn't tell you why); bad crafts and rag rugs. The rugs are woven from the leftovers from the tube sock factory in the vicinity, so they wear like iron. Here's a very nice lady who sold me a few, woven herself.

Mrs. LedbetterMrs. Ledbetter

I feel like a true alien here. I have to ask people to repeat themselves several times before I understand them. This is the center of slow talk. I mean really slow. It's amazing.

It's very religious here, of course. Churches everywhere, and random signs like this.

IMG_0070

I always like the juxtaposition of the cross and the Confederate flag, the symbol of white supremacy and human slavery. I was too chicken to stop and take the photo properly, so I took it through the windshield by the side of the road.

Tomorrow the hordes arrive for the three days of chaos, yelling and arguments that we call our family reunion. Do I sound excited?  Everyone else seems to enjoy it though. Hello, family who's reading this: I love each of you individually and enjoy your company. It's when you all get together that's kind of overwhelming. Just saying.

June 30, 2008

Henry then and now

Henry and I last visited my sister Susan at her beach house 4 years ago. I took some photos of him then.

Henry CT beach

I took another one this time in the same spot:

Henry beach 08

Check back in 4 years when I take one at age 13.

in the Smokies

Made it without incident to Hendersonville. That's in the western Smokies of North Carolina near Asheville. Here we hang out, swim in my parents' pool, cook, eat, and swat mosquitoes. Unfortunately I didn't swat enough yesterday and already have a bunch of bites. More to come.

June 26, 2008

beach

CT beach I have to post quickly as the wireless connectivity comes and goes and we have no connection ourselves - how archaic! Cellphone doesn't work either. Cut off from the world! Not so bad at the beach...

June 23, 2008

Back East

J's house - Boston

We made it here uneventfully, which is the best you can say with air travel. It's so lush here - I forget that when I'm in Bend. It's also so HUMID. And I'm in Boston - not nearly as bad as North Carolina will be. The actual atmosphere feels different: thicker and more palpable. Not to mention that I'm completely stuffed up and my hair has gone wild. That's why I live in Bend: good hair days.

We're staying at my sister's lovely old 3-story home in an upscale section of Brookline. It's right in town but feels very quiet and residential. We're just a few blocks from Comm. Ave., which is full city: falafel joints, the Gap, nail salons, all with the T running through the middle (aboveground subway - an oxymoron!). I went to grad school right near here at BU, so it feels vaguely like home, but unfamiliar as well. Makes me wonder whether I could live in a city again - would it feel normal and energizing, or would I long for my quiet rural/suburban life?

I realize I may have to make that choice, depending on the job situation by the end of the summer. But I don't want to think about that right now -- I just want to knit and visit with my sister, and enjoy being in the city with Henry.

Next post from Fenway!!

June 17, 2008

top 10 tuesday: travel edition


Things we want to do back East:

1. Red Sox game, t-shirts, big pointing #1 fingers, the works
2. Smell the ocean (it smells different there)
3. Be around people of color
4. Buy rag rugs and jam at the Hendersonville Curb Market
5. Drive through the Big Dig tunnel (if the ceiling tiles stay up)
6. Eat New Haven pizza to see if it really is the best
7. Take the T in Boston
8. Eat a clam roll
9. Hang out by the pool with my family, reading mysteries
10. Mix my parents' annual gin and tonic

East-coast trip

IMG_0042

Henry and I are headed east on Saturday for a two-week adventure. We first land in Boston to visit my sister Jennifer. We've got tickets to the Red Sox-Diamondbacks game Monday night! (Look for us on ESPN - we're near third base, catching fouls.) We'll do the Freedom Trail and the Swan boats, of course, Faneuil Hall, Children's Museum. Walk around Harvard with my sister the professor, and get a little city action.

Then we take the train to New Haven, CT to visit my sister Susan. This will be Henry's first train ride! We'll hit the beach there, rain or shine.  We'll walk around Yale and buy a sweatshirt, eat New Haven's best pizza, and relax.

Next we fly to North Carolina for the annual family gathering for the 4th. Swimming in the pool and hanging with family is about all that's on the agenda there, plus any big summer blockbuster that's at the 16-plex. Flying back to Bend on July 5.

These are the times memories are built of. Not the wildly exciting trip to Disneyland (though that's on the summer agenda as well), but spending time with family, goofing around doing next to nothing. It's important to me that Henry makes and strengthens that bond with his extended family, especially as it's just the two of us way up here in Oregon.

June 06, 2008

Who isn't reading

I guess I'm into lists this week. These are some of the people who don't read my blog:
1. My parents: that's OK, they're in their late 80's/90's, so maybe they'll sit out the blogging thing. Though they do surf the web and email competently.  Really, do I want them to read it?  Not so much.
2. My sisters: one's too busy and the other doesn't use the computer much. That's my best guess, as they haven't really acknowledged that I write a blog. Why am I not surprised?
3. However, thanks, Steve! My big bro reads it.
4. My best friend. Busy busy busy. Or not that interested. Dunno.
5. My ex-boyfriend. He says it makes him miss me too much. You know, he doesn't have to miss me - I'm right here. Just saying.

So, I guess I can write about them all without worrying how they'll take it. That's something.

Anyway, I want to acknowledge and thank all of you who are reading. I appreciate your interest, support and comments.  This blog thing is challenging on many levels: creative, personal, technical, and emotional.  Who would have thought?

May 31, 2008

Someday has arrived

quilts

I have a bunch of old quilts and coverlets handed down (or passed off) by my mom, made by a great-great aunt. She's also had other ones made for me and I've collected some myself over the years. I've kept them carefully tucked away in an armoire with the thought that someday I'd have a house big enough to use them and display them.

I was moving things around last week and realized I could really use that armoire. I pulled out the quilts and had an epiphany.  "Someday" is never coming.  It wasn't a sad or depressing thought. It was the realization that this IS my life - I can't keep waiting for it to start.

So I washed the quilts and put the less-fragile ones out on beds. I'm sending one of them off to a sister who likes pink, and will store the others to pass down to Henry's family. There's one that is in overall bad shape that I'm hoping to give to a quilter who can use the old squares. It's tied, not quilted, so they're easy to disassemble. It's the blue and red one on the bottom in the photo.

Anyone interested? Amber? Kristen?

May 28, 2008

good kid

This will be brief as I have a major presentation Thursday (for BendFocus) and need to keep nose to grindstone(or fingers to keyboard).

Here is one payoff to raising a child:

vacuuming

eventually they vacuum. What a good kid!

May 25, 2008

in memory of Jay Zemotel

JPZ

I didn't realize til just this moment that it is May 25, the 24th anniversary of my husband's suicide. What a long time ago that seems. Truly another world, another lifetime.

Jay was a bluegrass guitar player and singer from Boston. He and his friends had a band that was very popular in Fairbanks, the town we lived in in the late 70's. When we met, it was love (or something like it) at first sight. He was wild and smart, funny and fatalistic. He did everything to the extreme: music, motorcycles, drugs, alcohol, love. He had a ponytail and a crazy dog and I thought he was everything I'd never experienced. I was a sheltered, suburban, private college girl and he was the real world. He could walk into any bar and be at home. At the time that seemed like something.

I grew up during our short time together. Learning to live as a couple, on my own truly for the first time, trying to mesh very different backgrounds and values. There was love, fighting, fear and finally awareness. I was in way over my head and was going to drown with him or remove myself from that quicksand. Before the divorce was final, he  succeeded too well at one of his occasional attempts at suicide, something I still believe he didn't mean to do.

For years I couldn't listen to a certain type of bluegrass without crying. Now it brings me closer to him. I have nothing left of our life together except some photos, and the only people I know who remember him are my family. He lived hard, tried to be happy, and loved me the best he could. I remember you, Jay, and you live on in my heart.

April 16, 2008

the Orpha C. Fox

My maternal grandmother was a avid horticulturist. She raised begonias in her basement under grow lights. These are not the beautiful tuberous begonias you see in hanging planters in the summer - these were cane begonias and quite ugly, to my child's eye.

She actually cloned a new begonia which the Begonia Society named the Orpha C. Fox in her honor. One greenhouse on the web describes it as: Striking med/large dark leaves with large silver markings on a compact 'Angel Wing'. Almost constant pink flowers. Choice.

I love that use of the word "choice." It reminds me of her, discussing her plants with my mother and aunts.

Here is a shot of my Orpha C. Fox, growing happily in my bedroom window.

Labels:

Badger Cam!

  • W I Ps
  • Personal Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory
  • ORblogs - Oregon Weblogs Community
  • Add to Technorati Favorites

Ravelympics