she's just saying...

I'd like to thank the Academy

Just in time for tonight, the Oscar Speech Generator.

 

High-brow

Despite my TIVOs and HD and all, I'm not a frequent TV viewer. If I'm lucky, I'll catch three shows a week, other than keeping half an eye on Sponge Bob while Henry's watching (and baseball of course). But I'm very excited about the premier of "The Good Wife" this fall.

I'm a huge fan. It's a terrifically smart, nuanced, gorgeous show with a great story arc. But mainly I watch it for Julianna Margulies' eyebrows. I can't take my eyes off them - they steal every scene. You might even say I'm obsessed.

If you've been watching TV or looking at fashion mags in the last year, you've probably noticed something going on with eyebrows. They're longer, darker and much more defined. What, you don't notice eyebrows? What's wrong with you?

At one point in the depth (heighth?) of my obsession, I bought an eyebrow pencil at the MAC counter. (This involved buying the sharpener that went with it, as the saleswoman informed me that since the pencil is triangular it needs a specially-shaped sharpener. I figured she sold a lot of them that way so didn't point out that the sharpening hole is actually still circular.)

Anyway, I went home and had a fascinating time "feathering in" as she put it, and damned if I didn't look more like a sharp junior partner of a fancy Chicago law firm. Since my brows then put my hair and wardrobe to shame, I put the pencil away until I was worthy of it.

However, I read recently in the New York Times: "...looking ahead to fall 2010, the brow is bolder than ever, whether aggressive or playful." So this fall I'm definitely going the bold, playful route. And maybe even occasionally aggressive.

I'm very serious. And so are my eyebrows.

I can't say it any better

From Forbes.com:

What's ironic is that I am an advertiser on NBC. Granted, I don't buy national airtime for a car brand - it's a museum in the Central Oregon market. But hey, I'm paying them money. And even as an advertiser, this total lack of respect for the viewers really pisses me off. I'm close to pulling my media buy but for the fact that I care about my local franchise and my reps. I've let them know how I feel, but I doubt it's going to get back to 30 Rock.

And yes, we're still watching the Olympic prime-time coverage at home - what choice do we have?

Oh wait: I take that back. I could be watching the Olympics right now (Sat. afternoon): NBC is providing live coverage. Up now:

Men's Hockey

Late round-robin action features the Slovakian men versus Latvia.

Geeking out, suburban style

So, like any self-respecting homeowner, after I mowed the lawn yesterday I cracked open a bottle of Mikes Light Hard Pomegranate Lemonade and came in to watch the Red Sox obliterate the Phillies on my not-very-big-screen TV. "But the game wasn't televised!" you say? It is in my house.

Game on TV (in Hi-Def of course):

Source of video: MLB.TV on my laptop, hooked up with S cable and multiple monitor mode:

I'm so cool.

Dancing fool

I'll have you know I was once really hip. I networked at Area with Jerry Rubin in NYC in the 80's (you had to be there), frequented underground after-hours clubs in LA, danced til 10 am at a gay club in SF, did the rave thing. And I'm not a klutz. I took dance and taught advanced step aerobics for years. Really. I'm cool. However, I suck at Dance Dance Revolution.

First of all, there's clearly something wrong with the program. I step on the right arrow exactly when it shows the right arrow and I always get an "almost" or "boo." And when I dial down to beginner and start to get it right, the whole thing resembles a Frankenstein stomp in slo-mo. When does the "dancing" part come in?

Henry and I tried to double-team it: he took the left and up arrows, I took the right and down. We were pathetic. Meanwhile, on screen, they're gyrating and hip-hopping and krumping the moves. Us, we're just stomping around lamely and clueless and off the (non-existent) beat.

This is obviously a video game for people who have too much time on their hands (aren't they all). However, though I appear to have no funk in my trunk, I'm going to keep trying to crack this code. Anyone know of a Dance Dance tutor?

This is not me.

A lot of testosterone, and not just on the field

Am I becoming an old fogey? (Don't answer, really.) The Superbowl ads, with a few exceptions, struck me as gratuitously violent, demeaning to women and just plain incomprehensible. And I'm in the industry.

Women's clothes got ripped off on the street, they were spied on in the shower, they were verbally abused by flowers, they argued over their enhanced boobs, and Mrs. Potato Head's mouth was thrown over a cliff. Jeez. Of course, random men were hit by bats, snow globes (Henry's all-time favorite spot) and buses, skied into trees and got thrown out of windows. Oh, and a panda koala got repeatedly punched.

A lot of anger out there, folks!

Of course we had the Clydesdales, though they seemed a bit forced. The e-Trade baby came through again with a new friend (though I thought even he was uncharacteristically cranky in the golf spot), and the Dylan/Wil.i.am spot was truly a classic. A lot of imagery there - I need to find that one and watch it again.

The Ed McMahon and MC Hammer spot for Cash4Gold.com was horribly sad.

Meanwhile, I'm transferring my domain name from Go Daddy. They're just stupid.

 

And what the heck???

Not working out. Literally.

First, let me say, I love my new job. Love the museum itself, the staff, my boss, the work. Don't love the substantial cut in salary that moving to non-profit entailed. So, like the rest of the country, I'm looking for ways to cut my expenses.

I had already cancelled my housecleaner and my lawncare service, so no further savings there. I've cancelled HBO and cut back to one TIVO service (digital cable and TIVO are not up for discussion here). I no longer eat out or go to the movies, courtesy of a failed relationship, and we don't take vacations other than to visit family. My clothing budget is minimal and I color my hair myself. I've already refinanced, and paid off debt. So what's left?

Unfortunately, it was our health club membership. We've belonged to the Athletic Club of Bend for many years. It's a wonderful facility, with workout rooms, indoor and outdoor pools, tennis courts, fancy spa locker rooms, kid's daycare and camps, exercise classes, restaurant, deli, racquetball and more. We've practically lived there over the years, with Henry in the camps, playing at the pool all summer, my aerobics and weights classes, meals, concerts, etc. Lately, though, it was hard to get to the evening classes and we were using it less. It's been a major expense and I couldn't justify it.

I miss the cameraderie, the socializing, the classes, the steamroom, and the sense of belonging to an upbeat, active community. Henry misses the bagels, the foosball table, the pickup soccer games and summer camp. And we'll both miss the pool next summer - it was a mini-vacation at a resort every weekend.

And I miss working out. I've stopped doing anything lately, and my muscles and outlook are both suffering for it. I'm not very self-motivated about exercise, even though I was an aerobics instructor in my distant childless past. For me, classes work great due to the social pressure to keep going, a set schedule, varied enough routines and a peppy instructor exhorting you to squeeze out 20 more sit-ups.

So what to do? Can't run anymore. Walking is slow and boring. Plus it's too cold. I'm dangerous on a bike. The local public pool is too far away. (Hang on and I'll come up with some other excuses...)

So, don't tell Henry, but I've bought us Wii-Fit for Christmas. I've heard it works pretty well as a workout. Even if it is a Snoopy McSnooperson (according to Kathi D).

Does anybody have any other ideas?

Top 10: Strange comments edition

It's back! Not that anyone noticed it was gone.

Top Ten odd phrases I've uttered in the pursuit of my profession.

1. The goat is ready for his close-up.
2. Cue the seagulls!
3. Can someone fluff the curds again?
4. Just don't let Tom Skerritt fall through the floor this time.
5. Trim his hair another inch and we're good.
6. You can't use the fake scoop for the hero shot.
7. Can you lick the Twinkie a little less suggestively?
8. Let's wipe off the cow snot and do it again.
9. Can we dub in the fart later?
10. I think we've got to cut the Chihuahua.

Shout out to RayO!

Top Ten advertising edition

Since I've worked in the ad business for 20somethingorso years, certain key lines of dialogue from TV spots tend to stick in my brain and pop out of my mouth at random moments. Since most of them get a blank stare in return, I'm putting them down here for your future reference. Some I've worked on, some I haven't.

Not mine, but favorites:

1. Dunkin Donuts with Fred the Baker: "It's time to make the donuts..." Useful in many situations.

2. Whiskas: "Kitty cats, read my beak." I could watch this over and over, and do.

3. Vicks 44: "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV." I said this to my doctor once (who's maybe 12) and got the blank stare plus the humor the patient look. It lost something in the explanation.

4. My latest favorite: the eTrade Mobile Baby: "Bad girl!" I love how his eyes widen at this.

Spots I've worked on:

5. Knudsen Cottage Cheese:  "Don't be wiggy!" We had no idea what this meant, but we liked it.

6. Butchers Blend, with "stew-like goodness!" There were legal reasons we couldn't say "stew," but "stew-like," no problem.

7. Reach Toothbrush: "Bad news at the dentist!" (He says we aren't getting our back teeth clean enough.) Tragedy strikes the family.

8. Knorr Soups: Frank Langella saying "Leeeek sooooup," getting all the housewives hot.

9. More recently: Edge Wireless: "It's for you!" with endless variations of intonation.

10. And my finest hour: working on the Ren & Stimpy Talking & Farting Dolls and coming up with the phrase "rude underleg noise" (can't say fart on TV). Thank you.